I appreciate solitude. In my time alone I am stuck with myself and everything I feel. I used to love analyzing others and taking things apart. I took apart my Cinderella watch once to see how it worked. Not being a genius, I had to lay it to rest afterward. Oops! Now I do that same type of thing with myself, only I don't remove any working parts. In the course of journal keeping and deep inventorying of myself I found a lot of things that motivate others. Well, I'll be! Yup. There were answers right there within for why some people around me acted the way they did. There was no secret formula to get them to change, but it was nice to realize they were simply flawed as I was and chose different responses to life than I did.
Self honesty is an incredible experience. If I were to be as honest with others as I am with myself I would reply to, "You are too hard on yourself" with, "What's the matter? Did I strike a chord in you that you want to deny?" I'm not too hard on myself at all, but there have been plenty of people who have been hard on me. They didn't want to look within, so they accused me of the traits they liked least in themselves.
I got fat. Then I got fatter. Now I am losing the excess weight. As I got fat there were people around me who laughed and said I wasn't all that fat. I knew I was. A person doesn't get to be 229 pounds (I'm only 5'3") without being fat.
I am still surprised each time I make a statement about myself that there are so many people willing to disagree with me. I am not open to debating my identity with anyone. I haven't placed anyone in authority over me. I make true statements about myself. I am still fat. I look pretty enough, and am thinner than I was, but I am fat nonetheless. When I am not fat any longer I will gladly say so! I laugh and look forward to that achievement.
Lately I have felt disappointed pretty often. There are people in my life who tell me to expect something and don't follow through. I feel sad for them. I don't like being set up to feel disappointed, so I know I will have to let go of them as friends if they don't correct themselves.
I have also noticed others are getting in touch with me more often and we have more in common as time passes. That causes me joy.
I keep changing where I go and what I do, since I believe in routine, but not ruts. As I do that I become more enthused about my everyday life. I am meeting more people. It's a human trait to be at your best when meeting someone new, so I get to see myself at my best and others at their best more often. My suggestion to anyone who begins losing enthusiasm is to stand at a bus stop and start a conversation with a stranger. When we meet we all tend to define ourselves to one another. It helps us to grow and see our lives through a renewed set of eyes. Meeting new people also gets us outside of ourselves and increases our areas of interest.
I don't try to hold one mood all day long. There will be stresses and pleasures in every day. Part of thriving is to experience all of what life offers, and select the best from those experiences.
Now how about that? I am becoming an expert on thriving. These are lessons I greatly enjoy!
